RESISTANCE IS USELESS!

Back in the 60’s Bob Dylan mused that, “The times they are a ‘Changing’”. He was right. Unfortunately, many people must have believed or hoped that it would be a passing fad! Forty years on and the majority of peoples still find it difficult to accept.

Today the winds of change are blowing even stronger. Even a visionary like Dylan couldn’t have envisaged the massive changes that have taken place over the last 40 years. The effects are felt by everyone. Organisations and even Societies are re-shaping and altering the way they operate. Businesses, Governments, Education Institutions, Armed Forces - you name it. No one is exempt. Words like re-structuring, downsizing, re-engineering, de-layering, merging, acquiring, rightsizing, are bandied about on a daily basis.

The pace of change has accelerated over the last decade, and the signs are that it won’t slow down - so the message is we’d better get used to it! Some organisations will set up their sails and ride the winds of change. They will spot the opportunities and outstrip the competition. Others will batten down the hatches and try to weather the storm. These will sink without a trace. As one CEO put it, “We can’t wait for the storm to blow over, we got to learn to work in the rain”.

The Health and Fitness industry is expanding at a rapid rate, your organisations will be challenged by changes in the economy, new competition pressures and technological changes. This is all happening now. So how do we all survive in the “Age of Instability and Uncertainty”?

In the words of Frank Kafka, “In the fight between you and the World, back the World”. Resistance is useless. We have to not only go with the flow, but create the flow. Positively embrace change. Instead of trying to hang on to the past, grab hold of the future! Sadly, this is a major paradigm shift for most people. Many change initiatives fail in organisations because of a lack of commitment and believe it will be invariably a change for the worse, and yet, as we know, change is inevitable. The question is, how can we make it work?

Real change only takes place when this happens:- (D+D+M>S) x PF

Discontentment + Direction + Movement > Status Quo x People Factor. So what does all this mean?

For real change to take place there must be a basic Discontent about how things are right now, followed be a clear path or Direction along which something new or different could be done. This is followed by Movement which represents the specific, steps or actions which can be easily initiated. The product of D+D+M must be greater than S, the current Status Quo. The multiplying factor is the People Factor.

Most change initiatives look at the organisational perspective. Changing systems and procedures, etc. It seems to me a foolish notion to view organisations purely from this functional perspective.. A companies heart and soul lie in its people. This is where the real change must occur. Your ability to keep your customers and grow your user base, now and in the future lies in the ability of your people to constantly adapt, adopt and improve the way they do business. Examine your own organisations and ask yourself which category do most of your people fall into:

• a. Those who make things happen
  

• b. Those who watch things happen
  

• c. Those who wonder what happened!
  

To survive and thrive in today’s market place, I believe we need people who make things happen. We need people who do the following:-

1. “TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY”

They are accountable. They take full responsibility for making things happen. These are people who don’t wait for change to be imposed upon them. They are proactive people who don’t think life owes them a living! They are prepared to try, fail, adapt and try again. They don’t make excuses.

2. DON’T ADOPT AN “EMPLOYEE MENTALITY”

This follows on from point 1. The average employee would be far more accountable if they were self-employed. Adopting this mind set would necessitate seeing the job through a new pair of eyes. They would be far more committed to the “cause”. If it really were their business they would be actively looking at ways to serve the customers better, cut costs  and innovate because that’s the only way to survive. Let’s face it, the old notion of job security doesn’t exist anymore, and no business can hope to compete with employees who are merely going through the motions. The only kind of security people can have is to be a high performance, committed employee who adds value.

3. LEARN TO LIVE WITH UNCERTAINTY

If you have a high need for structure, you will find this hard or even impossible. We live in uncertain times. Accept it. Learn to adapt, to improvise. Welcome new ideas, new trends. Set them. Hankering after the “way it was” will just hold you back and make you miserable.

4. LEARN HOW TO LEARN

The future belongs to those who understand and adopt the concept of “lifelong learning”. Your future success lies in your ability to constantly upgrade your learning and develop your marketable skills. Too many people limit themselves in terms of what they were trained to do. They define themselves by their job titles i.e. “I am the Engineer”, “I am an Instructor”, “I am a Salesman”, etc.  Employment in the future indicates that the average person will have 5/6 different occupations. The most important skill to develop is the ability to keep learning new skills and keep adopting new and different attitudes. Lifelong learning is the only way to remain competitive in the job market. Smart people are always reading, attending training courses and seminars, updating their knowledge.

5. SPEED OF REACTION / FLEXIBILITY

Having the ability to change, by itself isn’t enough. Some people are “willing” to change and maybe actually desire it; but if the process takes too long the initiative is lost. In today’s world, speed of change can determine success or failure. Organisations can’t go fast if their employees go slow! We live in an impatient world. People want decisions fast. Customers demand answers immediately. The “I’ll have to check with my manager” mentality is fading fast. Successful companies delegate decision making to the frontline. These organisations need people who are themselves flexible and have an ability to think and react quickly.

So which category do your people fall into? Do they:

• Make things happen
  

• Watch things happen
  

• Wonder what happened!
  

PSYCHIC VAMPIRES - THE POWER OF INFLUENCE

Have you ever met someone at a social function and taken an instant dislike to them? Don’t you think its strange how we make judgements about people we hardly know or even worse, we disliked them from a distance before we’ve even been introduced! Ever wondered why? One powerful reason is the energy we emit. Some people just radiate negative energy. These are the “Psychic Vampires.” You know the type. When they enter a room, it suddenly goes cold as if they’ve sucked the life and warmth from it! They carry an air of gloom and despondency about with them. Just as the vampires of horror movies would drain the blood of their victims, the Psychic Vampires drain the positive energies of all those who come into contact with them. They are the kind of people who after talking to you for ten minutes leave you feeling considerably worse than before you met them! Do you know someone like that? These are the people who never have a positive word to say about anyone or anything. They are always quick to criticise, condemn and complain. At meetings, they will be the first ones to point out why a new initiative won’t work. In any organisation everyone knows who the Psychic Vampires are. They are often the butt of people’s jokes, but in reality they are far from funny. These people are extremely dangerous. They are toxins on legs. They can and do, damage your most valuable asset - your attitude. We are all aware how one rotten apple can ruin a whole barrel. If one Psychic Vampire can destroy an entire team what can should you do? Here are some strategies that may help:-

1. Avoid them! Steer clear! If they are walking towards you, cross the street! Leave the room! Just keep away. It sounds extreme, but if that’s what it takes!

2. As Jack Black from Mindstore suggested, why not imagine a huge imaginary bell jar descending over you as they speak that automatically deflects all the negative they are spouting! If you smile at the same time it doubles the effect!

3. Simply stop them. Refuse to listen to them and tell them so. Tell them to come back when they have something positive to contribute.

4. Counter them. Whenever they make a negative statement, counter it with a positive one. Imagine it as verbal fencing and keep parrying the negative, but make sure you have the final riposte!

Whatever happens, these people must not be allowed to thrive in organisations by sucking the lifeblood and positive energies from everyone.

We are not in the health and fitness business, we are in the business of influence. What influence are you having on your team and your members? Do you radiate positive energy or are you a “Psychic Vampire”?

SLAYING THE DRAGON!

Why is it that most people are merely making a living rather than designing a life? Why do so few people get close to fulfilling their potential? The vast majority lead a “settled for” existence - they would love to have a better quality of life, but they’ll settle for what they have got. So many people go to their graves with their “songs never sung”, their “books never written”, their “mountains never climbed”, their “dreams never achieved”. Why? Because of Kakarrophiaphobia. Commonly known as the fear of failure! Psychologists will tell you that this is the biggest single obstacle to success in adult life. Why? Where do these fears come from? More importantly, what can we do about them? None of us were born with the fears we carry around with us today. Some fears are valuable, they are good, they help keep us alive. The rest are inappropriate and destructive, a product of negative conditioning. We were always told “be careful”, not “go and take lots of risks today!” - any fear, inhibition, worry, “hang up” we learnt along the way with the help of our parents, and teachers. “Failure” had consequences, which invariably meant “punishment”. And yet when we were very young, we “failed” constantly but were continually encouraged by parents to use these “failures” as stepping - stones to success. How many children do you know who walked at their first attempt? How many babies are born with basic literacy skills? The problem  is, somewhere along the way we have learned that failure is a thing to be avoided. The fear of failure is so great in some people that they give up trying altogether.

These are the people who believe that the past equals the future; they try something new “get their fingers burnt”, and decide not to try again ever. The belief that they won’t succeed in the future because they “failed” in the past is irrational. It presupposes that no learning has taken place. If they have learned from their previous experience then they have succeeded; they have succeeded in learning something that will give them better results next time! Remember, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback! Henry Ford once pointed out that failure is only an opportunity to begin again more intelligently. Just imagine how much your life could change if you adopted this paradigm. If you really believed that every bit of negative feedback you received was beneficial and productive speeding you on your way to success, wouldn’t you double your efforts and welcome “failures”?

You’re not a failure if you don’t make it, you’re a success because you try.

It is important to remember that some of the greatest successes in history were also the greatest “failures”. Thomas Edison was the world’s greatest and most prolific inventor in history, and yet when he was attempting to invent what was to become the precursor of the electric light bulb, he failed nearly ten thousand times! After five thousand attempts the leading scientific authorities of the day condemned him for wasting his time. They asked him why he continued after his obvious failures, he told them the truth - he hadn’t failed at all, he had successfully found five thousand ways that did not work! Therefore, he was five thousand ways closer to finding the answer! Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player in history - he hit more home runs than anyone else and set a record that stood for nearly 30 years! At the same time, he was also the worst baseball player in the world - he struck out more times than anyone else! In other words he succeeded more because he risked failure more than anyone else.

There will always be risk involved, particularly when you are attempting something new, different or challenging. It is in embracing the challenge and taking the risk that personal growth takes place. Most people have a “comfort zone” mentality. They stay with what they know, whether they like it or not.

Ships are safe in the harbour,, but that’s not what ships were designed for.

To achieve our highest aspirations and become truly fulfilled we must be prepared to break out of the “comfort zone”. Pushing through the fear is less painful than living with the guilt, the discontentment and the nagging question, “What if......?” What could you achieve? What could you have? Where could you go? If only you tried. If only you believed in yourself. If you only felt the fear and did it anyway. It is incredible that most people are sitting in the lay by of life watching the rest just drive past, they are waiting for the right time. Guess what? There is never a right time! Don’t wait for the fear to go away, it probably never will. Every time you face a new challenge, the Dragon will be there, staring you in the face. You’ll never get rid of the fear as long as you continue to grow, but it dissipates when you accept the challenge, and here’s the good news - Everyone feels the same! So whether your fear of failure relates to:- applying for a new job, speaking in public, talking to strangers, setting up your own business, etc. what can be done about it? Here’s the strategy -

1. Ask yourself, “If things don’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen? Whatever scenario  you come up with, move to point 2.

2. Let the next four words be your mantra, “I can handle it!” Remember, the fear of failure is just a belief that you can’t handle the consequences. Develop a trust in your ability to handle whatever life throws at you. Because you can. You have infinite capacity. You haven’t begun to scratch the surface of your potential. What if I make a mistake and my boss shouts at me? “I can handle it”. What if I say the wrong thing and embarrass myself? ”I can handle it!” What if I lose my job? “I can handle it!”. It’s commonly held that 90% of the things we worry about never actually happen! Of the 10% that’s left. 5% is never as bad as we imagined, that leaves only 5% which is out of our control, and if it’s out of our control why worry? Whatever happens, “You can handle it”.

3. Once you have acknowledged that you’ll handle the outcome whatever happens, then turn your thoughts completely to a successful outcome. Focus on the outcome you want. It is important to remember that we are always drawn in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. You get more of what you focus on. Will Carling was once going through a bad patch when his form was suffering. The last thing the coach said as he ran onto the pitch was, “Don’t drop the ball!” Guess what happened? He fumbled the ball more times than he could remember. You must keep your focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

Self Expectancy is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

4. Listen to your self - talk. Psychologists tell us we spend 70% of our time talking to ourselves. The point is, what are we saying? If we get negative feedback, this is what a loser says, “I knew it would go wrong, it always does. I’ll never be able to do this!” A winner’s self talk goes like this, “That’s not like me. Next time I’ll do better!” Remember, your worst enemy is the enemy within. The little voice that convinces you not to try in case you fail. Don’t listen to it! Keep chanting your mantra. It takes time and self discipline, but the results are worth it.

If you want to lead a richer, more fulfilling life, don’t do what the masses do. Don’t live with a “comfort zone” mentality. Step out, face the challenge, feel the fear and “Slay the Dragon!”

The 21st Century Manager - Are you emotionally intelligent?

You can’t pick up the management book these days without reading about “Emotional Intelligence”. So what is it? And why is it important? The definition of E.I. (as it’s commonly known) depends on which guru you listen to. How about this one:-

“Emotional Intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence”.

Any clearer? No? Let’s go back to it’s origins. For years any measure of intelligence has been locked into the notion of I.Q. It was simple - if you had a high I.Q. you were intelligent, if you had a low I.Q. you were, to put it bluntly, stupid, slow, unintelligent, etc. And yet the notion didn’t stand up to close scrutiny. There are countless examples of people who have had enormous success but didn’t have a high I.Q. Equally there are many who had huge I.Q.’s but couldn’t cut it in the real world.

Howard Gardner, a Harvard University Professor, once wrote a ground breaking book, “Frames of Mind”. In it he put forward his theory of multiple intelligences. This was more like it! Of course there had to be more than one narrow definition of intelligence! He identified 7 forms of intelligence:-

1. Mathematical/Logical

2. Linguistics

3. Spatial

4. Physical

5. Musical

6. Inter-personal

7. Intra-personal

What we came to know as I.Q. was a combination of the first two. But we all know people who have great spatial intelligence. These are great designers/architects who feel at home working in three dimensions. Those with great physical intelligence can control and use their bodies to achieve incredible results. Nobody would say that Beckam and Gascoigne were mathematically or linguistically intelligent, but give them a ball? Nobody would deny the genius of Mozart or McCartney. These are blessed with great musical intelligence.

You could almost say that the first 5 intelligencies are specialist intelligencies. Not everyone is gifted in those areas. It could be possible to be highly gifted in one of those and yet still not be truly “successful” as a human being.. The last two hold the key.

Inter-personal skill is a social skill. It is your ability to deal effectively with other people. It incorporates communication. Do you listen well, foster open communications, read and understand body language? Can you manage conflict, handle difficult people, encourage debate, create win/win situations? Have you got leadership qualities, regardless of your position within the company? Are you a change catalyst? Do you regularly challenge the status quo and recognise the need for change? Do you network effectively and build rapport? How is your ability to empathise and understand other people’s points of view? These are some of the skills needed in managing others.

Intra-personal skill is concerned with self management. This involves  self awareness. Being aware of your own emotions - what are you feeling and why? Understanding the link between feelings and actions. The ability to be accurate in your self assessment. Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? Are you open to feedback, development and learning? Do you have self confidence and self worth? Are you decisive, with the ability to stand up for what you believe in? How is your self control? Can you stay composed and positive when under pressure? Can you manage impulsive feelings and think clearly? How adaptable are you? Can you take new perspectives and generate new ideas? What about your self motivation? Do you know how to motivate yourself when you feel down?

If you combine Inter and Intra personal skills you get what is now referred to as “Emotional Intelligence!”

It seems obvious when you think about it: - Inter + Intra = Effective performance!

When you combine the abilities to Manage others - motivate, develop, influence others with the ability to Manage yourself i.e. self motivation, self control, drive, initiative, etc. Performance is bound to be enhanced.

Emotional ineptitude in leaders lowers everyone’s performance. It wastes time, creates acrimony, corrodes motivation and commitment and builds hostility and apathy.

However, the best news of all is that unlike I.Q. which is more or less fixed, E.I. can be developed. It is not a fixed entity. There is hope for everyone. The future’s bright - the future’s Emotional Intelligence! Are you ready?

TRAINING: An investment to maximise or a cost to minimise?

Have you noticed how many people talk a good talk but when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is they seem a little reticent? A wise man once said: “When all is said and done - more is said than done”. He could have been referring to training.

CEO’s around the country have been paying lip service to this notion for years. If you ask any leader what their company’s most valued asset was they would all trot out the familiar response we all know and love, “Our people are our most valued resource!” If you were to dig a little further and ask what investment they were making in their most valued resource you may find some blustering and fancy footwork. It’s all a lie! If they truly believed that statement then training and development would not be the first casualty at the merest hint of hard times let alone recession. The vast majority of companies when driven to cut costs see training and development as a cost; a direct trim from the bottom line rather than an investment to maximise their profit potential.

Many bosses haven’t got the guts to fight the case for training and development. They don’t see it as a long term investment . They are too busy appeasing, or being bullied by the City into delivering a swift return on investment. People are a long term investment. They don’t become obsolete in a few months like much capital equipment and “state of the art” software.

The Myths of Training

Myth N°1

The sad fact is that Britain still has a high proportion of senior managers who subscribe to the “Jurassic Park” era of management and leadership i.e. “You don’t need to train managers. They are born, not trained!” What utter nonsense! Babies are born, not managers! Have you ever seen a natural born manager or leader? Or a natural born salesman? I have never heard of a midwife delivering a new born child with a “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Smith, you have a lovely new manager and she’s 6lbs. 3oz!”

I know it sounds crazy, but unfortunately such thinking is all too prevalent. I was working with a company recently whose previous CEO was exactly like that. As soon as he was appointed the first thing he did was to cancel the management training programme. Strangely enough, morale took a deep dive as did performance, and he was moved on to pastures new.

Fact

All leadership and management skills can be learned. If it is a skill, then by definition it is “learnable”. Companies and CEO’s just need to decide what kind of investment they are willing to make in training and developing their future leaders. One of Britain’s greatest business leaders, Sir John Harvey Jones is unequivocal, “The future of British Industry in the hands of the managers”. I agree. Surely we cannot leave their development to chance? Selecting and training managers is critical to the success of every company. It is interesting to note the differences in how the armed forces select and train their officers and how the average company selects and trains its managers. All the armed forces have special officer training schools with lengthy, in depth and rigorous selection procedures. They take the leadership of their people extremely serious. Is that the case in business? I have spoken to and trained many service managers who became managers simply because they were good engineers! The assumption being that good technical skills leads to good management skills. The truth is, there is absolutely no correlation whatsoever between technical skills and man management skills.TOP

Myth N°2

“If I train my people they will leave or be poached by the competition”.

Fact

If you don’t train and invest in your people they will definitely leave! The fact is, the provision of training and development, and a clearly defined career path attracts applicants to any company. While they are with you they will be more productive and motivated because of your investment. Some bosses, meanwhile, are prepared to invest in training but seem unprepared or unwilling to accept the consequences of that training. For example, you would expect the trainee to return to the workplace with the intention of implementing the knowledge and skills they have been exposed to on the training programme. Seems logical? After all, that’s why they were sent in the first place. Wasn’t it? Apparently not in many cases! How ludicrous to invest in training your staff, then singularly fail to encourage and support them when they return to the workplace” I have had personal experience of many managers going back to their companies, only to be told by their immediate bosses, “forget that rubbish - this is the real world!”

Unfortunately, many companies contain senior managers who are so weak, they feel threatened by people with ideas. People who are prepared to take risks unnerve them. The thought of highly motivated and enthusiastic employees coming back to the workplace wanting to be creative and innovative is anathema to them. What they want is to maintain the status quo. Unfortunately, they are missing the point. There is no status quo! That was yesterday’s paradigm. Things are either growing, or they are dying. That applies to both, companies and people.

If British Industry is to get back to where it use to be it must utilise the “Kaizen” concept. Continuously improving not only our systems and procedures, but equally important, our people.

Companies that see themselves, not only as surviving, but also thriving in this new millennium must seriously commit to training and developing their people on a continuous basis.

The “big players”, the most successful companies, tend to be more enlightened in this area. Until recently I.B.M. insisted upon a minimum of 40hrs training for all its managers; but as we all know, even the big boys are capable of messing up! However, at least they are still around and still learning and still training.

There is no company capable of surviving and thriving without training and developing its people.

The case for training and development TOP

Everywhere I go, I hear the same complaint from people, “We’re expected to do more, with less!” Think about it, do you ever hear of companies lowering their targets year on year? Even in the wake of downsizing, the City still expects more. When times are hard, with people and resources being squeezed and put under increasing pressure who will perform better:

A. A highly trained and motivated workforce?
B. A de-motivated and neglected workforce?

With high expectations, increased demands and fewer resources - employees need to be highly trained.

To produce better results (£) in 2003 than were achieved in 2002, your people are going to have to do things differently. Either, increase their activity levels (in some cases, significantly), or maintain the same level of “activity” but do it “better”. This is where increased knowledge and skill will help. You cannot maintain the status quo!

“If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you always got. So if you want something different - then do something different!”

Makes sense doesn’t it? Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing today as you did yesterday and expecting different results.

Who needs training and development? TOP

Everyone! All bosses want a highly motivated workforce and there is a strong correlation between training and motivation. If you remember Maslows’s Hierarchy of Needs, you will recall that we all have a deep-seated need for recognition. We all need to feel valued. By investing in a person’s development, and supporting them, you go some way towards fulfilling those needs.

I have worked with companies where managers have been on the verge of leaving because they felt undervalued and neglected. The turning point was their participation in one management training programme after which they decided to stay, because they suddenly felt valued and believed they had a future. One company I worked with had to undergo radical re-structuring to maintain a competitive edge. (Of course, it was only radical because it had been neglected for so long!), a consequence of this was many people with little or no management experience were suddenly dropped in at the deep end. However, the senior management did at least invest heavily in training to support them and did enough to help build their confidence and self belief. Without that training and continued support, there would of been heavy casualties and the new structure would have failed completely.

Training is an investment. It is a long term investment. It’s not a quick fix. It does not fit in with the continued British addiction to “short terms”, nor does it satisfy the “left brain” driven accountants’ desire to have a definitive, quantifiable return on investment.

We do know that training and development does increase motivation. If that motivation is channelled in the right direction, what value would that bring to the company?

“Sexes and the City!” - Are men and women really from other planets?

Equality of the Sexes – what does it really mean? Many people in the 70`s and 80`s believed that equality = sameness. How wrong could they be! Indeed, many believed that to get on in a “man`s world”, women had to be the same but “better”!. If women were going to make it, they had to work smarter, harder and achieve better results than the average man. Adopting this strategy, many women donned their power business suits, signed up for extra assertiveness courses and shoulder padded their way into the boardroom. It`s fair to say that for some women this strategy paid dividends – they “made it” (whatever “it” was). Their reputation as a tough lady was assured.

In this battle of the sexes, there were also casualties. Some just gave up, burnt their shoulder pads with the rationale that it just “wasn`t worth it”, “it wasn`t for me”, or “I didn`t really want it anyway”.

But what about now? The New Millennium surely ushered in a new paradigm of equality? Sadly not so, if you observe the rise of the “Laddette” culture with young women trying to emulate or even outdo their male counterparts in the binge drinking/falling down in the street stakes.

But, back to business! The good news is that the New Millennium did bring with it the seeds of change (albeit slowly). Business is changing. The traditional business model of a hierarchical, command and control, centralised decision making, competitive, win/lose style based on the military model (and thus geared totally towards the male of the species) is beginning to change. We are seeing a more values - based, relationship centred, co-operative /sharing model, where more focus is being placed upon “Emotional Intelligence” to get better results. In other words, much more in tune with the way most women intuitively operate.

So perhaps women in business can stop trying to be something they are not i.e. the same as men, and instead focus on being who they really are. Women are not the same as men. Women are equal to men (at the very least), but are different! Why not focus on using our differences positively?

It seems inconceivable that men and women have been living and working together for 550 million years and yet the average person hasn`t got a clue what really goes on inside the brain of the opposite sex!TOP

Aside from the obvious biological differences, most people have little idea just how different men and women are. Here are a few clues:-

- Men and women think differently - They process information differently
- They communicate differently - They see different realities
- They hear different stories

The net result is those differences cause misunderstandings that lead to more misunderstandings, and we wonder why both sexes are suspicious of each other and get pulled into the “Blame Game”.

- “Typical woman!”

- “That`s just like a man!”

What would life, business and our relationships be like if we just accepted that we are different, learn what the differences are, understand how to work and live together better and play to each others strengths?

If you were trying to do business or have a conversation with someone from Beijing who didn`t speak a word of English, you wouldn`t get angry if they couldn`t understand you! After all, they don`t speak your language and you don`t speak theirs! And yet, men and women often get angry and frustrated with each other based on the assumption that we speak the same language. We don`t! Same words different language! We are both using a different operating system. It`s as if women are using Apple Macs and men are using P.C`s!

Men and women assume that the other sex thinks exactly like they do. So when a member of the other sex doesn`t react in the way that you would, you jump to conclusions about what they mean, take silence for example. If a man is with his partner and he is not speaking, she may take that to mean there is something wrong and will often probe him to find out what the problem is. In most cases, the reason the man is not speaking is simple – he has nothing to say! For most men, the purpose of talking is to convey information. For most women the purpose of talking is to build rapport. TOP

Research indicates that women use over twice as many words per day in their communication than men, which would explain the male tendency to come home after work, slump in front of the t.v. or read a newspaper and “switch off”. Having a conversation with a man in this state is an uphill struggle for most women. He`s used his allocation of words during the day! This is compounded by research that also indicates that if you took a brain scan of a man while he is reading it would prove he is to all intents and purposes deaf!

Why? Because the average man can only do one thing at a time.

This fact frustrates most women whose brains are configured to help them multi task. This in turn, completely baffles men. A good friend of mine came home from work to see his wife ironing and reading the newspaper at the same time. The t.v. was also on in the background, so he picked up the remote control and switched channels. The following exchange took place:-

Wife “I was watching that!”

Husband, “Sorry, I thought you were reading the paper”

Wife, “I am”

Husband, “And watching t.v.?”

Wife, “Yes”

Husband, “And ironing?”

Wife, “Yes”.

This was his first experience of the female ability to multitask! Most men still see it as some kind of Black Magic! Especially as the average man will turn off the car radio when he has to perform a complicated manoeuvre! TOP

When communicating, men tend to use direct speech, in other words they get straight to the point with minimal small talk and get frustrated with women who they perceive to be “beating around the bush”. While many women accuse men of always being in a hurry to “fix” things.

Men and women approach problem solving in a completely different way , especially in relationships. In a man`s mind this is really simple. Where there is a problem, there is a solution and that is what he proposes. Thousands of men are completely confused by the response, because that`s not what she was looking for! What she really wanted was for him to listen, empathise and allow her to discuss her feelings about the situation, but in the man`s brain that is just a waste of time! She`s got the problem, he`s got the solution! Simple!

It is interesting to note, that despite the commonly held belief that women do most of the talking, this is not exactly the case in business. In fact, in mixed company groups, at public gatherings, and in many informal conversations, men spend more time talking than do women and are more likely than women to interrupt other people speaking.

The only way for men and women to understand each other better is to learn more about how each other operates. There has been much research recently indicating how the male and female brains are configured completely differently. One is not better than the other, just different.TOP

One of the perennial issues between men and women is the belief that women are more sensitive than men and are therefore more likely to react emotionally in certain situations. In the business environment, this often causes men problems for two reasons:

1. They don`t know how to react when a woman becomes upset

2. They believe showing emotions to be a weakness

Men need to understand that we are all emotional beings, women simply express their emotions in a different way. It doesn`t mean that women are unable to cope. Many women would be horrified if they knew that men tip toe around issues so as not to upset their female colleagues.

It is generally acknowledged that women have superior communication skills. This has much to do with the fact that women employ both right and left hemispheres of the brain when communicating. The corpus callosum, which connects the two hemispheres, is much thicker in a woman`s brain than a mans, which facilitates faster transfer of information between the hemispheres, it`s no wonder women can make so many fast, accurate judgements about people and situations on an intuitive level and multi track several conversations at the same time!

Women tend to listen better and be much more adept at reading non verbal signals faster and more accurately than men but when it comes to more practical skills like reading maps, mens` brains are better suited for the task. Most women who might agree with this would also probably agree that in the business world, the ability to read character is more useful than the ability to read maps! In the age of initiatives like CRM and relationship building, women are perfectly placed to excel, because this is where their strength lies and ultimately, doesn`t the ability to build relationships underpin all business transactions?